boundaries are HOT

dear mfers,

SZA @sza

𝕏.com

Went through my phone n blocked everybody in my contacts that ever made me feel weird. I feel free .

best regards, mi-anne

1. Do Not Disturb. Every single day at 7pm, the little “Do Not Disturb” moon descends upon my iPhone screen. It stays there until 10am the next day so that zero emails, notifications, or intrusive messages can attempt to ruin my vibe. It’s a very easy and satisfying way to impose digital boundaries. — Mi-Anne Chan, editorial @ mixed feelings

2. *The* Conch. Okay — not to be morose, but the kids in Lord of the Flies were kind of on to something with the conch. Like, you can only speak with the conch in hand. Very Esther Perel of them? Very Dr. Orna Guralnik? Anyway, not only does this set a boundary of who can speak when in tense situations, but it also doubles as a chic objet d’art. (You don’t need one as nice as this, which is apparently what Martine Assouline gives people as a holiday gift, but this one is pretty chic, too.) — Amalie MacGowan, social @mixed feelings

3. Cell phone jail. I have said it before and I’ll say it again: Put that phone in JAIL. This (admittedly problematic) kitchen safe also doubles as a place for you to stash the device you spend too much time on, so you can set an effective digital/emotional boundary. Staying up until 2am as your eyes sizzle in their sockets? Giving the girl from TikTok Tips the satisfaction of saying “found yourself scrolling again?” No more! It might help you, as it did me, pick up an actual, physical book. — Amalie MacGowan, social @ mixed feelings

4. Big-ass bubble. Boundaries are literal and metaphysical. This big-ass bubble is a great themed party costume for those of us who recoil at physical touch. — Mi-Anne Chan, editorial @ mixed feelings

5. Glow Recipe Skin Barrier Strengthening Routine *Sponsored*. In my humble opinion, questions to the tune of "can you get ready faster?" are an assault on my boundaries. Were you unaware that a multi-step skin care and makeup routine is crucial to my overall wellbeing? Recently I've been using Glow Recipe's new Avocado Ceramide Moisture Barrier Cleanser (a skin barrier strengthening cleanser packed full of ceramides, pre + postbiotics, colloidal oatmeal and avocado oil), the Avocado Ceramide Recovery Serum (my go-to skin-soothing layering serum), and Plum Plump Hyaluronic Cream (a hyaluronic acid-rich moisturizer that sits incredibly well under makeup). Glow is our first official sponsor (!!!) and honestly I could cry thinking back on my history with this brand. I've seen Glow Recipe grow from a K-beauty retailer to a full-fledged brand in Sephora. Along the way, we even went to South Korea together to film the making of their watermelon mask for an episode of my now defunct show, Beauty with Mi (RIP). I love the brand and what's more, their products are some I truly use every day. These babies combined keep my skin as cozy and protected as my balaclava does. — Mi-Anne Chan, editorial @ mixed feelings

6. Do you have the emotional bandwidth to listen to me complain rn? I am a famously huge proponent of couples therapy. I have been in a decade-long relationship with my soulmate (ha! I don’t believe in soulmates!) since I was 19 and I have never felt more connected and closer to him than when we started establishing firmer emotional boundaries — namely: asking for consent before piling on or venting. As someone who considers herself extremely verbal, I sometimes overlook the fact that my partner is not down to discuss the inner workings of my mind 24/7. It’s led to a lot of personal growth on my part, (like, managing my own anxiety rather than projecting it) and it allows him to be present and inquisitive for me when we do check in. — Mi-Anne Chan, editorial @ mixed feelings