soul bonding with dove cameron

Welcome to mixed feelings’ Hyperspecific, a profile series of increasingly intimate questions in which we ask our favorite artists, scientists, musicians, and the like to unveil their innermost selves — their weird existential musings.

One of the petty little things I look for in most relationships is eye contact. Intense, piercing, talk-to-me-just-through-your-irises-type eye contact. If I had to choose, I might pick it over physical touch. It's so important to me.

Dove Cameron, it turns out, believes in the power of mutual gazing, too — in its ability to establish trust, connection, and communicate volumes. She and I soul-bonded — verbally and optically — for our entire 30-minute interview, after which she correctly guessed my astrological sign (cancer).

I’ve had the pleasure of working with her twice now, and each time she has surprised me with a level of depth and unabashed intimacy I’d never expect from a pop star who’s been media trained since her early teens.

You may know her from her Disney days, when she played Mal, daughter of Maleficent, in Descendents or from her pop hits “Boyfriend" or “Breakfast.” I love her in all of those things, but especially in the horrendously slept-on Schmigadoon!, a 2-season musical comedy series in which Cameron plays ingenue Betsy with an astute self awareness that makes it clear that Dove is always in on the joke.

Another funny thing that happens when two people make eye contact? You feel stripped, seen, aware — sometimes too much — of the other person’s agency. It’s a vulnerable state of being, and perhaps the ideal scenario for entering our Hyperspecific universe, which Dove jumped straight into in honor of her new single “Too Much.” Read her full questionnaire below.

Content warning: This interview contains a discussion of suicide.

LEVEL I

1. Something you’re always hoping people bring up in conversation when you first meet.
   Drag Race or Broadway. And right now Lost, too, because I'm watching it for the very first time — I’m on Season I. I didn't even have cable growing up and so I'm like, “why is no one talking about Lost?” And I'm like, “Oh, because it’s 21 years old.”

2. A positive trait people always tell you you have.
   That I'm very friendly, very. I like people to feel liked by me. I want us to have a good rapport. I get close to people quickly.

3. One destructive trait you know you possess and wish you didn’t.
   I have crazy imposter syndrome. I will clip my own wings and sell myself short and keep myself from succeeding at certain things because I have decided that I am the only person who doesn't deserve it.
   

   I’ve recently gotten a lot better with my imposter syndrome just in the sense of framing it differently. No one deserves for things to go well for them more than other people. As long as you're a good person, I don't know why somebody would deserve it more or less…I think that in writing my upcoming album I really tackled a lot of [those feelings of being an imposter] and I'm very proud.

4. If a bodega were to name a dish after you, what would it be? (Be specific.)
   I’m going to steal this from a movie title but…The “Neon Demon” and then people would just be curious as to what the fuck that is. What would be in it? Sourdough bread — stay with me—, sweet potato in some fried form, chipotle mayo, buttermilk chicken, and figs.

5. One song that makes you feel understood.

   Are we allowed to get deep? There's a song called “Vincent” by Don McLean. It's about Vincent van Gogh who took his own life. Someone very close to me took their own life and that song makes me feel like I'm not the only person who saw them. I have so much empathy for my dad and I feel like when I listen to that song, it is an empathetic point of view on suicidality. It has always really resonated with me; it’s how I have always felt about depression and suicide.
   

   There's a lyric in there: “But I could have told you, Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.” It's really beautiful. I do think that sometimes the most beautiful, sensitive people are the ones who can't stand to be here very long.

6. Something you think is wildly underrated.

   The iconic record-breaking, time-warping film Down with Love with Ewan McGregor, Renée Zellweger, Sarah Paulson, and everyone under the sun. It is the campiest, funniest, stupidest, sexiest movie of all fucking time. And it got a four out of 10 rating when it came out. It bombed. Nobody watched it. We failed that movie…I made everyone watch it at a real big movie theater on my birthday. I was like, you're all watching my favorite fucking movie. And everybody's like, this is so good. And I was like, thank you. I'm on a crusade.

LEVEL II

1. A movie/tv show you watch when you want to self-soothe.
   Definitely Sex in the City, I was a late bloomer with SatC. I think I'm probably a Samantha, not because I am that sexually expressive…I'm actually really shy…but because I think she’s the most whole, healed, and healthy.
   

   But also Drag Race. But the problem is they have so many different versions and I've seen them all. I've already gone through all of All Stars Canada and UK. I need more seasons!!!

2. Your problematic fave artist/actor/musician/character (dead or alive). And why?

   The Phantom in Phantom of the Opera. Honey, Raoul was boring. Christine, what are you doing? It's so bad because he's got many red flags. He made a dummy out of her and stalked her and was violent to her boyfriend. But, I really love him. He's a fictional character! You’ve got to let me have it.

3. What’s the first fandom you lost yourself in…

   Kristen Stewart. I was obsessed because I didn't yet know that I was in love with her. When Twilight came out I lived in Washington, so you have to understand it was very culturally relevant. I was looking out the window at the trees while she was describing the trees in the books and I was like, “Those are my trees!”

   
   I think because Kristen Stewart is so queer and was so “vampire” [at the time], she was [so everything to me]. I remember Googling:
   ”What is Kristen Stewart's Starbucks order?” and “What is Kristen Stewart's favorite carbonated soda?” I wanted to know everything about her when I was a 10-year-old and I wanted to be like her. That's the only time I've really gotten close to idol worship. I grew out of it when I was 12 or 13, but at that time I wanted brown contacts to look like Bella Swan! I was carving her name into trees and shit.

4. Something you bought recently after LOTS of research.
   A shower head. Fuck yeah. I found the best one because I was seeing too many people being like, “you're shower head is dying!” So I bought a shower filter. They're not expensive. And then you just clip one in and you can even travel with it.

5. What the most random thing you have in your home that always requires explanation?
   I have a trumpet chandelier. It's just a chandelier made out of trumpets that have light bulbs in them. And then I also have a swing. Those are my two odd items.

LEVEL III

1. What’s an anecdote you usually tell to describe how you were as a kid?
   I used to go to school in full Halloween regalia every day. And I learned very quickly that plastic fork tongs could be snapped off and scotch-taped to your fingers and you would be Wolverine.
   

   The camp was strong, honey. And then when I realized that the girls were scared of me doing this, I doubled down and would get ketchup to try to look like I was bleeding. I don't know why no one liked me!?

2. What is your low-key hell and actual heaven?
   My low-key hell is paparazzi at the airport. I shut down in a way that is not normal. Everyone in the comments is like, “you’re famous, what did you expect?” I wish I didn't freak out but it just. makes me really fucking anxious. I have panic attacks that I know are purely physical because I'll know in my head that nothing bad is happening. But my body just reacts . It's like no beta blocker in the world could save me.
   
   My actual heaven? It’s jelly beans, Hot Tamales, Nerds Clusters, cozy in a freshly-made bed, with freshly-washed jammies having a marathon movie day or a sick day, snuggling with my boyfriend and my cat Peanut Butter.

3. What is your most unhinged coping mechanism?
   Getting a tattoo. Dude, it’s so bad because when I'm stressed and not feeling grounded, I'm like, I have to go claim myself. Then I'm inked forever! So guys, stop making me feel so crazy.
   
   The last tattoo I got was this huge thing on my back. They’re wings down my spine, basically, like cyber sigil wings. So sick.

4. Random thing you hate so much for no apparent reason.
   Scallops are disgusting to me. I don't know what the fuck that is. That texture, that shape. Why are you putting them on anything? Don't come at me with scallops

5. How you exit a party.
   Early and with so much love.

6. How you wanna go (either un-seriously or seriously).
   I mean it's going to be so classic: 95 years old, just days apart from the person — no hours apart — from the person whom I love. I did everything I wanted to do…Natural causes, struck by lightning...We're manifesting.
   
   If you or someone you know is experiencing a crisis, there is help available. You can call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, where a trained counselor can talk to you and connect you with further resources. Find out more about what to do if you're experiencing suicidal thoughts here.