unsolicited dating advice from mr. "looking for the perfect woman"
for my dating flier experiment, i looked to the father of the craft
welcome to strong feelings! Essays by writers we love, in which they share their most impassioned opinions on a given subject. In today’s strong feelings, hot off the heels of her Great Flyer Experiment of 2024, writer Tess Garcia shares her interview with Mr. “Looking for the perfect woman” himself, Dan Perino, who has been plastering the streets of New York City with his face since 2014.
Last week, I published a story for mixed feelings about flyering for dates. I recounted the good, the bad, and the ugly of my experience, but after I wrote it all down, I realized I lacked space for a key piece: an interview I conducted with Dan Perino, whose “Looking for the Perfect Woman” fliers have dotted the streets of Lower Manhattan since 2014 (and inspired an outfit of mine). So I’m back, and this time, I brought a transcript of our conversation.
Two weeks into flyering, I texted the number on Perino’s flier to see if he’d like to chat. Once I assured him that I was familiar with his work as a self-described “performance artist,” he agreed to an interview. He provided me the number for his personal phone, which is how I learned the one on his fliers is used exclusively for that purpose. He also popped a question that revealed he may have been more familiar with me than I knew:
Days later, we hopped on a call. In minutes, I understood why Perino views his work as performance art. He alternated between flexing his response rate — around five million in 2024, he claimed — and confessing to embellishments in prior interviews (he did not get laid 86 times in 2014). By the time we hung up, I couldn’t tell what was true and what was part of his performance, but I did receive plenty of unsolicited advice for appealing to straight men.
Below, I’ve included the bulk of my talk with the father of “date me” fliers. We compared experiences, I asked about the efficacy of flyering, and he shared texts he received from Madonna (allegedly).
Dan Perino: Your dress wasn’t AI, right?
mixed feelings: No. I had your flier screen-printed on a dress for a New York icons-themed party.
DP: That’s a great idea. I showed it to a couple journalists...They really liked it.
mf: Did you have two phones before doing your first round of fliers, or did you get a second one as a consequence of the experience?
DP: Ten years ago, I only used one phone. I didn’t get as many responses as this [most recent] time. The first time, the fliers said “Looking for a Girlfriend” specifically, and it was about half a million replies. That took a year. This time, it’s been well over five million, getting close to six. [Editor’s note: 🧐 ] I came out and told people it was performance art this time. Now, I’ve incorporated a bunch of fliers. I just came out with a new one that’s actually more popular…than the “Perfect Woman” ones.
MF: Any thoughts on why the fliers have generally been more popular this time around?
DP: They’re meant to be artsy, but not intentionally artsy. I want people to question what [each flier] is. I want people to think. Like, “Looking for the Perfect Woman.” What is that, anyway? Does it exist? So it started a conversation, which is cool. But the public really isn’t that bright, so a lot of people really think that I’m looking for a girlfriend. Of course, I’m a guy, so it’s like, if I found my idea of perfection [through the fliers], I’m going to run after it. But it’s more of an art project and a study on social behaviors…A lot of people don’t get it.
My critics don’t want to believe it’s art, when I simply say “it’s art” a million times on the news, and my website, everywhere. They refuse to believe it.
mf: I’d love your thoughts on my experience flyering for dates. I created a secure Google Form with only two required questions, and on the flier, I included a photo of myself and three likes and dislikes of mine. I’ve put them up for a few weeks, around 40 fliers, in areas I frequent where I think interesting men would be. So far, I’ve gotten five responses. All have seemed sincere.
DP: There’s a bunch of people using fliers to promote their art, which is a great idea. So now, everybody’s looking at fliers. But because of the fliers that are just promotional, you’re not going to get as many replies.
mf: Any thoughts on me using a Google Form, instead of a phone number?
DP: You could get a separate voicemail with an outgoing greeting, and then people are going to think you’re real and be honest with you…But you don’t need more than five people to respond to your ads as long as they’re decent. Guys are basically the same anyway.
mf: I’m most surprised that the men I’ve gotten in touch with haven’t been receptive when I ask to meet in real life.
DP: Well, keep it brief. You want to keep it really brief. A couple scary things that women do: “Oh, me and my friends are meeting, do you want to come along?” You’re going to scare them away that way. Never do that. Always make it a casual, fun thing. Quick. An hour and a half date. Go to a museum, shit like that. Don’t make it a formal thing. Don’t intimidate the guy. That happens a lot. And then don’t talk about other men around him…It’s got to be short…But you probably know more about this stuff than I do.
mf: The numbers of hookups and dates you’ve previously provided in interviews, are those real or part of the performance art?
DP: I made it up. I’ve been on about two dates through this. I didn’t have sex with either. Close, but. I think I’ve said I’ve been on 10,000 dates or something. I just made it all up. I’m an actor, and I didn’t have a platform to do anything, so I just acted this character out for something to do. I just had fun with it and let everybody believe it. I told the media that it wasn’t real; they didn’t like that. They want it to be real.
I’ve had a lot of well-known people contact me, like Madonna, wishing me well. Not trying to date, but just wishing me the best. A lot of them knew what I was doing. I could have a line of women around the block. Like, 20 blocks, so many people. But I’m just not interested in all that.
Dating apps are the biggest complaint. I don’t think I’ve talked to anybody who likes dating apps. They all are swaying away from that because guys are going to just lie. People are just going to make themselves try to look better. And then when your true colors come out after a few weeks, it’s gonna be a total waste of time.
I posted 70,000 fliers this time. If you post that many fliers, you’re not really looking for a girlfriend. But anyway, you’re going to have the pick of anybody in the world, pretty much. On a dating app, how many people are actually going to read your profile? With the fliers, you have to be a little more creative, but it’s definitely doable. I get a lot of calls from men saying, “I tried it. I posted fliers around my neighborhood and met this great girl. Thank you.”
I wish that more people would just get out and show their more creative side…I think it’s a much better way to meet people [than apps]. Like, in the downtown area. I don’t think it’s a good idea to post dating fliers on Park Avenue. Try the East Village, Lower East Side.
mf: Do you think flyering is an effective way to find companionship?
DP: Absolutely. I’ve been flyering since 1979. I know more about fliers than, probably, anybody alive. I do it pretty much every day. There’s a difference between different people in different areas, at different times, in different weather conditions. There’s places to post fliers and places not to post fliers…You can tell a lot about a person by what they’re saying on their flier.
If you misspell a word on a flier and it’s blatantly obvious, and you’re selling a service, people will look at that and say, “the guy’s an idiot, he’s probably really cheap, let me call that ad…”
You’re going to get the most calls on a Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. If you post fliers on a day when it’s going to be drizzling, you’re good to post them because nobody’s taking them down. I would say, if a woman posts a flier of herself with a picture, and she’s totally honest on the flier, she’s going to find what she’s looking for. She’s going to find a rich guy.
I usually don’t answer calls from the fliers. If someone texts me something interesting, I’ll read it, but I’ll usually text back with a link to my website. I get a lot of very sincere women. I get a lot of women that are way too aggressive.
And there you have it, an interview with a New York “icon”. Whether we like it or not, now we all know the man behind the mask, so to speak.