unhinged gifts i want

the only gift guide you *don't* need

I am famously nosey. So, despite the fact that I have never actually purchased something from a gift guide, I read every single one because I—like you—just want to know what people are buying.

But let me tell you. I do not need to see a round up of towels, linens, and candles ever again. Every year I wonder: “Where is all the weird stuff???” So without further ado, please enjoy this break in programming to view 14 of our very favorite unhinged gifts. Courtesy of your extended mf fam. <3

John Yuyi "Naked Selfie On Airplane" Action Figure. “I’m a sucker for knick knacks and funky little decorations. My shelves are full of little toys and figurines that I’ve collected over the years. I’ve been a huge fan of the artist John Yuyi for years now and think it’s so cool that she’s turned one of her self portraits into a teeny collectible. The sheer concept of taking a naked selfie on an airplane is so chaotic but it’s energy I’ve gotta respect.” — Shuang Bright

Vintage Stuffed Animals. "Nothing says 'I never healed my inner child' like still being obsessed with the toys and textures from your youth. I've never gotten over stuffed animals. It started with my unbridled love for Beanie Babies and evolved as I got older into fleeces, faux fur, and shearling clothing. But the penchant for plushies hasn't ever really gone away — I went to Harry Potter World as a 27-year-old grown woman and walked away with a true-to-size plush of Hermione’s cat Crookshanks. (Why?!?) I went to an estate sale in Austin recently and was magnetically drawn to a vintage Snoopy plush that I ended up thinking about for days afterward. I've been wondering...would it be... so strange to have a small...collection of vintage stuffed animals as a 30-year-old? I've bookmarked some of the classics but haven't been able to pull the trigger. Someone call Freud." — Amalie MacGowan

Medieval Moccasins. “They sell these lace-up knee highs at the Ren Faire and they are truly incredible foot specimens. Can you imagine? These!!!??? Layered over patterned tights and socks?! Or peaking out from under a plaid mini?! The ultimate outfit maker and immediate transporter into a fantasy world that is not your present reality…(But if you’re not into that, this Pokeball grinder is also high on my list of gifts I want need.)” — Mi-Anne Chan

Kiosk48th Green & White Recycled Box Stool. “If there is one thing I love to buy, it’s something that reminds me of myself — pretty and almost completely useless. This little table called to me because I KNOW I could buy something more useful, but I would much rather have this to look at for no reason other than I felt like it. Also it’s made out of recycled material, like sustainable king over here y’know, what more could I ask for?” — Eric Sedeño

ToTo Smart Toilet. “Ok the unhinged gift I want is…this toilet. It has heated seats, a bidet with multiple settings, a butt-dryer, air-purifier, and “modesty mode” where it SINGS at you to drown out the sound of your powerful piss stream. All that on top of an electronic seat and lid that you simply press a button to open and close. This is my “I’ve MADE IT” material item in life lol.” — Sable Yong

Pratt Daddy Crystals. “In case you want a crystal charged with the absolutely rancid energy of one of the most powerfully manipulative people in TV history, may I recommend a $1,900 aquamarine crystal from Spencer Pratt's crystal company Pratt Daddy???? Don't worry, they have something for everyone's budget…as long as you're willing to carry around the spirit of a truly unhinged, albeit iconic, individual. Much to think about!!!!!! Happy charging to all my chaotic crystal bitches!!!” — Kendra Austin

U-Line Full-Dome Acrylic Safety Mirror. “One of my family members is about to receive a link to this industrial mirror accompanied by a follow up text from me that says ‘I kinda want this haha.’ I plan on hanging it on the wall in my living room because of its many practical purposes: spying on my guests at every angle and/or taking deranged selfies that will all inevitably sit in my camera roll and never actually be posted. The item descriptions says it ‘reduce[s] warehouse accidents and retail theft’ - can’t wait to bring that energy into my everyday life.” — Logan Tsugita

Nathan Fielder Print by Claire Thompson. “Like many metropolitan young women, I felt uniquely seen and heard by Nathan Fielder’s The Rehearsal and it’s representation of being a compulsive neurotic control freak. Like Nathan, I truly am powerless in the face of my desires. In fact, the yawning pit of want that demands satisfaction and sits inside all of us is perhaps the thing that terrifies me most. I’m can’t wait to buy this piece of artwork to make sure the whole world knows it. ;)” — Rayne Fisher-Quann

BoJack Horseman Princess Carolyn Print. “Sooo I am obsessed with BoJack Horseman (there have been multiple full-series re-watches) and Princess Carolyn is my all-time favorite character from the show. So what better unhinged gift than a poster of her face telling me to get my sh*t together. It’s quite the item to wake up to every morning.” — Ali Farooqui

Mercedes G-Wagon. “My pick is gauche because it’s so distant from my reality…. a two-door drop-top G-wagon (aka a Mercedes G500 Cabriolet). Jess Gonsalves from Procell told me about this truck and really sold me the vision of it being the ultimate hot-girl whip. It’s like a grownup Barbie Jeep Wrangler with the spirit of Lara Croft and the seductiveness of Aaliyah. How could I not want it? But even beyond the price point, this is completely impractical. I’ve never driven for more than an hour at a time in my life and have never driven in New York City, which happens to be where I live, so this truck would be an absolute waste on me. But boy is she pretty.” — Imani Randolph

Giant Paper Mâchè Tulip.“I’d DIEEE to have a giant paper mâché tulip for my house! I initially saw this incredible elementary school art teacher create one on TikTok but then I saw that the girlie who runs Dusen Dusen found a vintage giant tulip and I’ve dreamt about having my own ever since.” — Jazmine Rogers

Plantwave. “I’ve been obsessed with the Plantwave ever since I saw it on my Instagram explore page. Someone used it to make music from mushrooms in the forest!!!! Plantasia is one of my favorite art pieces, so this little contraption fell right in line with the way I get inspired by nature in my current art practice :-).” — Isabella Lalonde

🚨Honorable Mention🚨

Dog Tuxedo with Leash. The mf pug, Garbanzo says, “sneeze.”

***What unhinged gift is on your list?***