I’ve heard this repeated by a couple of friends in the past few months: When times get tough, I get selfish. Selfish in that I am [so] consumed with relieving my own hurt…that I don't put my grievances aside to help a friend in need…Now I’m faced with this unhealthy behavioral pattern after 23 years of believing I am as self-aware and as good a friend as they come...A large part of me feels like I should crawl into a ditch until I'm fully healed and can never hurt a friend's feelings again. I have taken accountability for my actions in the friendship, and am committed to changing…But bad habits don't go away in a few months. How do I do the lifelong work of healing an unhealthy behavioral pattern while still positively contributing to fruitful friendships?